I’ve never been able to understand why Facebook will suggest someone that you have no friends in common with. Moreover, the algorithm that makes the recommendations, does so without any rhyme or reason— that I can figure out.
There was a time that I also thought Facebook would suggest people based on your location data. If I stopped at the same Coffee Shop and the same workers were there, week over week, Facebook’s location data would know this. Then eventually those people would show up in my recommendations.
This post is not the beginning of a technical breakdown of how Facebook friend suggestion algorithm works, in fact, I’ve done zero research. But, this is a blog post about how I will get tipsy and click add to all the cute guys.
Perhaps we should start with the beginning. Out of all social media (Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn) I have always been on LinkedIn and used it the most. If I were asked to rank my usage, until recent, it would have been: Twitter (90%), LinkedIn (9%), and (until recent) Facebook (1%).
The only reason I give such a detailed breakdown, because, I have been clicking add on cute guys for a long time. But, they have always had the professional headshot and recent posts of them bragging about their professional accomplishments.
Treating LinkedIn like Tinder never got me anywhere, with the one exception of a gay who was in a class with me. We were in a four day long (virtual) class where the Roster gave us the ability to include multiple lines of contact to share with the rest of the class.
Since it was a professional work sponsored class, everyone gave out the typical work related social links. LinkedIn. We were all given time toward the end of the class before our exam to “review the roster and connect with your class on LinkedIn”.
“Professional Networking” at it’s finest… aka an instructor who needed more time before he gave us access to the exam and it was just a meaningless task to keep us all occupied like children.
However, there were two cute nerds in the class. We all added each other, as a show of professional respect. I was most interested in the two nerds, one of which I hoped was gay.
Fast Forward a few weeks (from the LinkedIn/Class portion of this rant) and that cute gay nerd and I had been exchanging a ton of messages via LinkedIn. Eventually trading phone numbers. We’re still passive-work-friends to this day.
But one thing we did agree on, is, LinkedIn needs a way to date. He and I both admitted to just clicking “add” for all the cute nerds that were suggested to us on the site.
Facebook Drunken Friend Request… Sent
We all understand that using Facebook when you’re drunk is just a way of life. We all do it, we all have done it, we all will do it again. I’m not talking about the being drunk and posting those insane ultimatums. I’m not talking about being drunk and posting how the world hasn’t given you what you think is due to you.
But what I am talking about is, being drunk on Facebook and seeing all of those hot gay nerds that show up as suggested Friends.
One late Spring/early Summer night I was having a very relaxing evening at home and began browsing the wonders that are Facebook.
One late Spring/early Summer night I was having drinks with friends. When I got home, a bit inebriated, I began scrolling through Facebook. When life gives you a row of cute guys, that mathematically a universe of big-data feels you will be friends. Your drunk self clicks add.
Friend Request Accepted
Being drunk, scrolling Facebook, and making drunken friend requests (based on Science) is one thing. The aftermath of those decisions, is another completely.
I continued to use Facebook (for sober reasons) and began noticing some cute local guy liking my posts. Who is this?
I add more stories, more posts, more pictures. Like. Like. Like.
Liquid Courage Flirty Message Sent
After a long trend of me posting and him giving that post a like, I finally worked up enough courage to send him a message. 😇
Casual flirting was a success… sort of. He was very kind and was always receptive to my flirts, but, I wasn’t really sure if he wanted them or cared. Our conversations were mostly in passing and short lived.
After the get to know you line of questioning had passed, and me still not having an understanding if he was interested, I began to message him less and less.
[Cute Guys]’s Birthday is Tomorrow
Facebook has really saved the world, in the sense that we never have to remember anyone’s birthday. We never have to send real cards. And last minute (day of) birthday messages are acceptable and now even prompted by Facebook. It’s fool proof.
Cute guy’s birthday pops up on my Facebook screen, since I am not one to do the very underrated “Happy Birthday, man” message to his timeline, I shoot him a cute message. This is ok, right, we have been messaging in the past, passively.
“Good Morning, the gay membership committee has just informed me that tomorrow is your birthday? Don’t have too much fun with any pre or post birthday drinks” I message him. A few cute message exchanges happen and the conversation kind of dies.
The next day, I just post “Happy Birthday” on his timeline and go on about my day. I get a message from him, thanking me, and I asked: “So you must have a ton of plans for your birthday, are you excited?”
He tells me that he has none. Hm.. Interesting.
I told him I was shocked, such a cute guy like him, hasn’t gotten a flood of invites to take him out for drinks. Then (sober) I asked what it would take for me to take him out for a birthday drink.
His reply was something simple: “Just ask”. Wow. So simple, yet, so complicated (for me).
Want to do drinks?
Him: “Yes”
Me: “Whoa”
Him: “Where?”
Me: <Top secret romantic restaurant name>
Him: “When?”
Me: “Whenever works for you, I’m free”
Him: “Tomorrow evening?”
Me: 🤞🥹