Recently you may have noticed a lack of posts from me. I’m sure your lives are all diminished without my witty sense of humor and my sarcastic banter. I could come up with a million reasons why, but the truth is I just haven’t had shit to say.
I’d have to check my Outlook calendar to tell you the last time I went out on a date. My Google history would reveal to you that I recently searched “can your hymen grow back?” and I’m currently racking my memory for the last time someone gave me butterflies or I felt the spark of excitement for someone new.
But strangely life has been extremely full and wonderful. Evenings after work have been filled with workouts, dinners for one, wine for three and Netflix marathons. Weekends fill up nicely with trips to the farmers market, hikes with my dog and shopping at Costco with my grandma. I’ve been more engaged with my friends and family and I have been focused on enjoying my own company more.
In the past I’ve said, and I truly thought I was, very happy being single. But truthfully I was always wishing that I was seeing someone, longing for connection with a man. But right now, in this moment, I am content and I am happy and I am very very single.
Have I given up, final thrown in the towel? No, I don’t think so. I’m just done with the game right now. I’m burned out. I’m tired and I’m choosing to redirect my energy.
In the last few weeks I’ve watched a few people close to me go through nasty break ups, deal with turmoil within their relationships and deal with all the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with intimately involving someone else in your life. More than once I’ve texted Piper and said “I’m just thankful life is so simple and easy right now.” And I am. I’m glad to not be checking my phone for a text or wondering what someone else is thinking or feeling. It’s been rather liberating.
I know that at some point I’ll schedule a date with some new guy off Tinder, meet someone new in a bar and I’ll be back on the ride. But for right now I’m enjoying book club, planning vacations with my girlfriends and binge watching the new season of OITNB.