The List

At 15 years old I can remember laying in my bedroom, with it’s purple walls and N’Sync posters, with my best friend. We each had a pad of paper and glitter gel pens. We were busy making our lists;

“Things I Want In A Husband”

-must be tall
-must make good money
-must love his mom
-never married
-must be a virgin
-cannot have children already
-must be funny
-my dad must like him
-plays sports
-doesn’t smoke or do drugs
-must smell good

I mean, this list went on and on and on. There were volumes and drafts to this list. It truly deserved a table of contents! Obviously, I was young and inexperienced. I truly thought I’d fine someone who checked all the boxes and that he’d make me happy. Fast forward 15 years.

I have no list. Of course I still have preferences, everyone does. I’d still pick tall over short and rich over poor. But what are my major deal breakers, what are the hard limits? It seems like they are fewer and farther between these days. If I wouldn’t date someone with children or who had been married I might never go on a date again.

I feel like so much depends on the depth of the relationship. If you are just causally seeing one another, while dating others, can you really say that he can’t recreationally use party drugs? If you’re not getting married do you really care if he has children if they don’t effect your life?

Maybe it’s that I’m more open minded than the 15 year old version of myself sitting in her bedroom in middle America. Maybe I’m more traveled, more exposed and less judgemental. Or maybe I’m just more desperate. As you get older it seems like the pickins get slimmer. At this age it feels like you can no longer be as picky because time is ticking! Am I really going to turn down a great guy who’s company I enjoy just because he 5’9 and not 6’2? Nope. Nowadays I care more about his relationship with his baby momma more than that he has one. Everyone’s has hard limits and I guess I’m finding that my are truly situational and they’re almost all negotiable with the right person.


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