Finite Amount of Spark

I’m over it… I’ve had it… I’m done… with online dating, for the 47,455 time; or at least it seems like it.

I have a very cyclical pattern of behavior when it comes to online dating, or app dating, or whatever you want to call it. It starts out of boredom, or the thought that I really could be single forever. If I don’t do something soon, I will forget how to actually interact with men I don’t work with or are related to.  I, inevitably re-load Tinder on my phone, dust off my match.com profile, and after a couple hours, or a day or two, I have dates.

I have lots of dates… I am overwhelmed by matches, messages, and texts. I make plans and I go out with these potentials. I go out to coffee shops, and bars, wherever. I go out every night of the week. I double book myself on dates, I go on two or more dates a day… and I have the same date about 20 times.

Oh, I’m going out with different men, lots of them, but it basically is the same date ad nauseam. Am I wasting my time on these ho hum dates? Is it worth the time and energy, not to mention make-up, going out every night of the week when the result is the same?
I’m not even disappointed anymore when I don’t exactly hit it off with Tinder Joe, because I don’t expect anything different. It’s usually a decent date, with normal get to know you conversation, two drinks, and I’mhome before the 11 o’clock news is on. Nothing awful, just not anything spectacular either. Would I go out with them again? Sure. Would I be bummed if I never heard back from them? Nope!

Wouldn’t I be happier if I stayed in and watched Netflix, or studied for the class I’ve just added to my schedule, or worked out? Wouldn’t I find more joy in spending time with my friends and my family? So, I stopdating. I delete Tinder, I don’t log on to Match, and I just stop. I go about my life, as always, and then it happens… I get nagging feeling I’m destined to be a single woman forever, and I should get myself out there.

The cycle is infinite.

The definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over, expecting a different result. I realize this dating pattern is definitely insane, and I really would like to get off this nightmare of a merry-go-round. I just am unsure of how to.
I don’t meet dashing strangers in the grocery store. I’ve exhausted the bank of single suitors my friends and their spouses have. My day-to-day routine doesn’t lead to meeting new people, let alone eligible bachelors, often. I’m stumped.

They always say you meet your person when you stop looking, and quite frankly, I think this is a stupid thing to say. I’m not the kind of girl who waits for something to happen to me. I’m the kind of girl who, if I want something, I make it happen. I go out and get it. Why would this be any different?

What is a girl to do? I think at this juncture, I’m tired of the online dating churn. I need a break, and for how long, I’m not sure yet. It’s not as though I’m miserable, my life is pretty fantastic. I am so fortunate to have the life I have. I wouldn’t trade it with anyone, because while I may not have a beau, I have a hell of a lot of people who love me, and I wouldn’t give any of those relationships up.

I’ve been single for so long… the longest I’ve ever been single in my adult life, and I think for some reason, this is what is giving me pause.
It’s been so long since I felt excited about anyone. It’s been ages since I felt a connection. This makes me scared I’ll never feel that again. It has been so long since I met someone and felt a spark. I’m starting to feel I’ve used up all my matches for flames that burnt out too quickly. Maybe you only get a finite amount of sparks. I don’t know?

XOXO,

Piper 💋

Piper

3 Comments

  1. I love this so much. It’s like you crawled into my head and heart and read my mind. I have recently written a blog like this – the routine, the churn, the hope – then devastation. I pray one day it will end. Part of me worries it won’t. Partnered friends don’t understand. Mum worries about me. It’s a cycle that is fun sometimes, horrid at others. Good luck – you’re doing fine.

    • It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone! We’re all in this boat together. Thank you for your comment! It’s always nice and a relief to hear we’re relatable, and a reminder of why we started this crazy little blog. Good luck to you, my friend! I’m sending lots of positive energy! XOXO, Piper

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