In early January I was honest with blog readers about a fresh break up I was in the mist of. It was unexpected and painful and knocked me on my ass for a bit. I’ve dealt with all the normal emotions and have shared my tips and tricks for dealing with heartache. All in all, I’ve been doing much better. In recent days I’ve started to feel like the old Layla. I’m working out again, I’m back to cooking and meeting girlfriends for cocktails. I’ve even gotten back on the horse as far as dating goes, and of course I’m back on Tinder… and life comes full circle.
Dating post break up can be a challenge. To say I’ve swiped left way more than I’ve swipe right is an understatement. Prior to a recent first date my texts to Piper ranged from “he’s cute, and it’s a free dinner right?” to “I’m cancelling and watching Dateline with ice cream in my bed” to the final “I bought a new shirt, I got my hair blown out and I’m going”. And I did go and it went super well. Sometimes you just have to get back out there. But, this whole dating thing has brought up a situation that is very new for me;
My vagina has gone into a hibernation mode. My sex drive has gone missing. I mean, like someone should put out an Amber Alert. Put it on a milk carton or something.
Sex hasn’t even been on my radar. Like, I’m supposed to be sexy and feel sexy and that’s fun? Red lipstick and thong panties have been replaced by Chapstick and cotton underwear. This is totally new territory for me. In the past I’ve been a huge believer of the rebound. More than once I’ve used sex as a coping mechanism and distraction. I mean, I engaged in a longer term FWB situation in which I referred to him “sexual sorbet”. He acted as a palate cleanser. We had a blast and it helped me rebuild a majorly damaged ego. We both knew what was going on and eventually it ran its course.
So, why is this time so different? Why am I struggling to connect with this part of my inner woman? I think it comes down to exposure. I’m at a point in life where being exposed to someone new is sort of exhausting and a little terrifying. Figuring out what works, what each other likes. Having the awesome safe sex convo, seeing each other naked for the first time. Ugh. It should be fun but it sounds like a task at the moment.
I know that this too shall pass. The right combo of vodka crans, the smell of good cologne and a good make out and I’ll be back to feeling like a sexual being again. It’s just taking a little longer than I expected and that’s okay. In the mean time, if you need me I’ll be at Sephora shopping for my perfect shade of red lipstick. And maybe I’ll schedule a wax.