“We’re just not on the same page.”
We’ve all heard this, we’ve all probably said it a time or two. I always thought it was a bullshit, vague answer, basically meaning you’re just not interested in someone and it’s a “nice” way to say it.
Once upon a time, I was young, dumb and carefree (aka drunk). Finding someone on the same page was easy. “OMG, you breathe oxygen, I breathe oxygen! Not to mention, you’re in my Econ class! We have so much in common! Let’s party!” Easy right? I took that ease for granted.
Dating in your early thirties is exponentionally more difficult. People have varying work schedules. Some people have children, which adds a whole different level of complexity on its own. Most of us have some baggage we drag around with us, collecting more as we go along. It’s rough. It’s challenging and oh God is it complicated.
I’m a single, never been married, childless 32 year old woman. I have a career, I have a loving family, and I have the best damn friends anyone could ask for. I have some emotional scars from life, but all things considered, I think I’m packing light in the baggage department. Finding someone on the same level as I am is almost impossible.
I’ve been pretty open with my dating pool; optimistic in the fact you never know who you could end up with. I’ve been willing to date men with children, older men, divorced men, you name it. All this dating has opened my eyes to the fact I’m struggling to really connect with someone.
In all honesty, part of it is I’m not down to deal with what comes along with these men. I don’t want to date someone fresh out of a relationship because there are a lot of unsettled emotions. I know because that’s been me a million times. I don’t want to be a rebound. I took a bit of a dating time-out to settle the emotional turmoil I was going through. I’ve worked through a lot of my issues, so the idea of going through it on the other side isn’t enticing.
Men with children are tricky. I don’t mind dating someone with children in theory. What I do mind is when someone wants to introduce them into my life from the very beginning. I need to know if we click ourselves before you bring your family into it. I’m not looking to become an instant stepmom. I’m a product of a divorce and I had a relationship where my ex had a child and the breakup was much harder on me. I had to break up with both of them and it was heart wrenching. I don’t want to go through that again if I can help it.
Men who got married in their early twenties and are now getting divorced are a breed of their own. They want to go out on week nights, party at night clubs, take shots on a Saturday afternoon. I did that. I did that for YEARS. Now, I want to go to a night club like I want herpes. I don’t. I want to go to a nice dinner. Maybe grab a couple cocktails. See a movie. Go wine tasting. Those are the things I’m about. I have an 8 AM yoga class Sunday morning, and I want to hit up Trader Joe’s before the after church crowd buys up all the kale. I don’t want to be chugging Pedialyte and inhaling Taco Bell to beat a hangover. I don’t want to be slamming shots of tequila and having twenty-one year olds sweating all over me in some sticky night club until 3 AM. I understand wanting to experience those things, I really do. I had a blast when I was 20-25. I danced on tables, kissed girls, and drank enough vodka to last a life time. Knock yourself out love, I’ll be at home reading.