Regrets and Repossession

I was recently chatting with a girlfriend who is in the mist of a fresh, painful break up. We covered all the topics you would assume we would. Then she said something that has really had me thinking.

“More than anything I wish I could get back the dirty pics I sent him while we were together.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve sent my share of naughty pictures to men I’ve dated. And yes, I wish I could get them all back. But, if there were things I could reclaim as mine alone, it wouldn’t be pictures.

I try to live my life with no regrets, but that’s not always realistic. When a relationship ends you can’t help but question things. For me sometimes I wish I could take it all back. I wish that I could regain all the parts of me that I gave to that person. If I could take things back it would be long conversations when I opened up and shared things I rarely do. It would be the slow kisses and the quiet car rides holding hands. I wish that I could take back all the moments when I was naked and raw, tangled in his bed sheets. I wish I could erase the sound of my laugh from his memory, because honestly he doesn’t deserve to remember the sound. I want back the time I gave that could have been spent with my friends or my family or with myself. I wish I could get back all the energy I spent making it work and seeing the best in him. I wish I could reposes every moment when I was vulnerable, when I was emotional naked.

Endings are so hard and reflection can be truly uncomfortable. If you choose to be real and open in your relationships you run the risk of leaving pieces of yourself scattered behind you. It’s a gamble, a roll of the dice, every single time. These precious pieces mean much more and leave me feeling more exposed than any racy selfie I could ever take and text.

Layla

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