I mean, you knew we couldn’t not post about about Valentine’s Day!
I think my destain for this day started way back in Jr. High. When I was in 7th grade one of the clubs sold balloons as a fundraiser. Guys would buy the balloons for girls and the club would delivere them while everyone was in class. The whole thing was a fucking spectacle. Of course the girls just ate up the attention and who sent who what ballon was the topic of lunch room convos for days. I was the chubby girl with frizzy curls who hadn’t found the miracle of coconut oil curl cream yet. I never got a balloon.
Fast forward almost 20 year (ohmygodhowcanthatbe?!) and I still find the day to be disappointing, even if I’m in a relationship.
One year the guy I was seeing sent flowers but when they arrived late and dead. Like, really really dead. Thank you 1-800-flowers.com.
Then there was the time I made my long term boyfriend a naughty coupon book. I had it printed and bound so it looked super legit. I was so dang proud and excited to give it to him. I wasn’t even embarrassed to look the Office Depot guy in the eyes when I picked it up, knowing that he knew I was giving my boyfriend coupons for a free blow jobs and a dinner out where I promise to forget my panties at home. Hey, don’t judge me! You have to keep it fun! Want to know what my boyfriend got me that year? A .99 cent card and a smile.
I’m not going to give you some line of bullshit about how it’s a made up holiday or about how it means nothing. Being single on Valentine’s Day can suck. Being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day can suck too.
So, what will I be doing on Sunday? I’m going to take a nap. And then I’m getting a pedicure. But you know what I’m looking forward to even more than the pedicure? I cannot wait for heart shaped chocolate to go on sale Monday. Now, chocolate has never disappointed me!