Recently the guy I was dating, The Crush, and I decided to stop dating. Well, he decided he didn’t want to date me any longer and I won’t beg anyone to stay. I have gone back and forth between wanting to just blast him on this post, because my feelings are hurt, and wanting to protect his privacy because I really don’t think he’s a dick.
We had been doing the long distance relationship thing. If you’ve ever done it, you know how challenging it can be. It takes serious effort and energy to meet each other’s needs when you’re hundreds of miles apart. I sort of saw this coming. In the last few weeks he withdrew and once easy conversations felt like tasks. I pushed for the hard conversation because I knew something had shifted. In a nutshell, and my interpretation of his words, he couldn’t/didn’t want to put in the amount of energy needed. He referenced work stress, social commitments and some internal struggles he’s dealing with. He literally said “this has so little to do with you”. Yep. The classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line. And then he told me he still wanted to be my friend. Yep. Friends. So, two weeks ago when I was naked in your bed we for sure weren’t friends, but now we’re friends. Got it. How quickly things can change, right? Anyways. The conversation was calm, there was no yelling or cussing. It was rather mature. I can appreciate that there is enough mutual respect for things to end in a calm way. For the record, I don’t think the distance was the issue. The issue was his lack of desire and drive to fight through the suck. But, whatever.
So, we’ve all been in this situation, right? We’ve all had new-ish relationships end that we thought had great potential. We’ve all said goodbye to men who were once a part of our daily lives sooner than we thought we would. We’ve all had to step back, take a deep breath and regroup. It happens. It’s part of dating. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It does hurt. A lot. I’d be lying if I haven’t had the “maybe it was me?”, “why didn’t he want me?” and “why wasn’t I worth fighting for?” thoughts. But, I absolutely refuse to dwell in those thoughts. Nothing positive or productive can come from that.
What I will be doing is being gentle with myself. I’m going to let myself feel sad, or mad or whatever else comes up. I’m going to chat with my girlfriends and get a massage. I’m going to process (privately and on this blog) and read inspirational quotes and then I’m going to move on. Because that’s what I do. That’s what you have to do when you’re looking for epic love. I hope you’ll check back soon for my tips for surviving a break up. Like, what the hell do you do with all your social media ties and how to resist texting your new ex.