Crush and Burn

So, I’ve been keeping a secret… I have a crush.

It’s a new connection with someone I recently met. Everything about it is bright and shiny.¬†There is tons of chemistry and we both seem to be into each other. We’re in that place of regular texting, wondering what the other one is doing during the day and long phone conversations into the night. This is the fun part. This is supposed to be the exciting part. But, I’m struggling. I’m struggling with letting myself be excited. I feel like cautiousness and nervousness have replaced excitement and giddiness. I’ve become a relationship dooms day prepper.

I’m also struggling with how much to share. Trust me, I get the irony of that. I write a blog that is focused on dating and sex. Does it make me a hypocrite that I am hesitant to talk about this new possible something? I’ve been slow to tell even my closest friends. How many times do you get to gush to them over cocktails “oh my god, something about this feels different” only to eat your words when it turns out he’s still on Tinder or banging his ex in Mexico? It’s a cycle that I want to break. So, I’ve been keeping more details to myself, waiting for it to play out before I say too much.

I guess it all comes down to vulnerability. Being exposed is scary. Liking someone new is like standing naked in Time Square. We all fear the possibility of rejection and embarrassment. Yet we still roll the dice and hope to win. Or we at least hope to not crush and burn.

Layla

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