When I imagine my future I’ve always pictured a partner and children. Over time the dream has altered in some ways. Where we live, our level of legal commitment, who makes the money, those are all negotiable for me. Something that has never been edited from the picture in my mind is children. I feel like the desire in my heart to be a mother is a calling. Something so deeply rooted that abandoning the idea would carve away at my identity.
Tonight a thought ran across my mind…. What if this life has to be enough, forever?
I walked through my apartment quietly, assessing the state of my singleness. My fridge is covered in pictures of friends and family, tokens of adventures I’ve had and places I’ve visited. It’s contents are wine, yogurt and leftover Thai takeout. There is just a single toothbrush in the bathroom and the queen sized bed is only disheveled on my side. This is single girl life, and I love every second of it. I love the Netflix marathons, the fact that pants are always optional and that my time is my own. This life is hugely desirable and I’m truly happy to be living it.
But can it be enough? I mean, will it be enough when I’m 40? What about 50? What if there is ever just one toothbrush in my bathroom?
I don’t think I can answer those questions in one simple blog post but, it’s something I’m processing. The possibility of long term singleness is something I’m coming to terms with. Life teaches us many lessons, right now I’m learning contentment is a choice we make everyday. But, I’m also learning that being content in the moment does not require us to abandon the deep desires of our hearts.